Headlines

Am I the only person in America who doesn't care who is the Tonight Show host? How does the breathless drama of Leno's and Conan's respective time slots get so much press day after day? With Haiti and the Massachusetts election and so many other real news events, how does this keep getting headlines? Many Facebook friends are weighing in as if it matters. I don't get it.

But speaking of headlines, I confess to being a fan of Leno's weekly feature with that title. Here are a few favorites, forwarded by a reader, followed by my comments (I can't vouch for their authenticity — the headlines, I mean, not the comments):

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (that's why they get the big bucks)

Miners Refuse to Work after Death (fine, then they won't get paid)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (you'll never know until you try it)

War Dims Hope for Peace (and that headline dims hope for journalism's future)

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (ah, that explains it)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (paid for with stimulus cash?)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (they taste like chicken)

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (now that's an effective stay-in-school program)