Catalog copy

Mark Twain penned the second passage in Huckleberry Finn. Cairo was to the two runaways passage to freedom.

Have you noticed the sales catalogs are all written by creative writing students these days? I can stand a little liberty with product descriptions, but some of these reach the point where they actually detract from the product. The worst is one of my wife's catalogs — which I won't name — where the product descriptions barely get around to describing the products but waste lots of ink with the rambling by some ad copy writer who has run out of ideas and is straining to find something new to say.

Care to guess what items are being described below?

1. "Swing your way across the Seven Seas — even when your itinerary takes you just across town. Sketchy and stretchy, this ..."

2. "A little tied up, sure. But never too busy for a little fun. That's the not-too-serious message from this ..."

3. "Breakfast under the banyan? Luncheon on the lanai? BBQ at your place? All options are yours in this ..."

4. "Frivolous and irresistible as a yummy dessert."

5. "Think of it as a Hawaiian lei without the heady perfumes."